In me, There’s You
CREATED and WRITTEN by QUE / PHOTOGRAPHED by ALVA JONES / STYLED by CLETUS QUICK
Twenty-three years ago, when I was twelve, my parents separated. My big brother and I stayed with our mom while our dad moved out. It didn’t necessarily hit me like a ton of bricks- it was more like… wearing noise-canceling earbuds while also being in the path of a hurricane without means to find safety. And you’re just watching it draw closer…
Speaking for self, I didn’t choose sides when it came to the split. I just knew my mom (Angela) was hurting and needed the two us (Marquis and I) to step up. I mean, we were going from ‘O.G. Destiny’s Child’ to ‘DC3’ and I knew I was ‘The Bridge.’ It was that moment when I simultaneously began empathizing yet walking on egg shells. Her pain wasn’t an option to ignore. On an emotional level, I grew conscious of trying to make my mom’s coming days a little brighter and a little lighter— I was a momma’s boy.
We saw our dad often though. At the time, I learned that their divorce corelated to his drug addiction. I wasn’t knowledgeable of custody matters but I remember visiting his apartment, which was 7 minutes from home. And then visiting him in Greensboro on several occasions. By being older, Marquis knew more about our parents than I did. His feelings we more hurt than mine. He knew more so he protected me harder— he has been the hawk in my sky ever since. Some years later, Dad did the work and got clean. He also got re-married, I didn’t see him as much after that… not until college.
In January of 2025, at the age of then Thirty-four, I asked my dad if he would be interested in being the subject for an interview series and he agreed. We’d had many talks since reconnecting, so I drove up to Greensboro to sit down and document this interview about his journey.
This is my dad, Darryl Von Quick.
Que:
“Alright, so I don't really have many hard questions. If there is a question you don't want to answer, just say “PASS”. It's not as intense as you might think it is.”
Darryl:
“Well, I have this philosophy… There's only one truth. And I try to tell that truth so that later, if someone is going to ask the same question, you're going to get the same answer. “
“Okay, first question… Going back as far as you can…
What is your first and/or favorite memories about childhood?
It could be a smell, a touch. Whatever comes to mind.”
“I loved wrestling, so I would wrestle with pillows and big stuffed animals and stuff. I would fight them in the hallway at home… But my favorite memory? When I was a little boy, I used to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning on Christmas, to open my presents and go back to bed. I just had to know what was in those gifts.”
What do you remember about being a teenager?
“I had some good friends. It didn't matter where I was or what I was doing. Those guys were my rocks. You know, we all had our secrets, if you will. We played a lot of basketball, taught each other how to pop wheelies on our bikes. When we would play football, the street was out of bounds on one side, because it led to a creek. And before the end of the game, everybody was wet.”
“Can you say their names?”
“Tony, Calvin, Marshall, Ricky and Alex.”
What was your relationship like with Granny versus Granddad?
“My relationship with granddad was based out of fear- he was a strict man. My relationship with my mama was knowing that I had the freedom to talk to her about anything.”
“Sounds like polar opposites.”
“Yeah, it was. You know, I could gain something from both of them. It was just a matter of what I needed to know or learn as to which one I would go to.”
What is something that I may not know about them?
“Did I ever tell you the story of your Grandma killing a snake?”
“Maybe it's in my subconscious, but I don't remember.”
“Okay. We were at Grandma's house out in the country, and she had this barn in the backyard. All of my cousins were running around in the backyard until somebody said, “Snake!” We looked up, and a snake was coming down the wall from the roof of the barn. This snake was probably six feet long. “
“That's about four feet too long.”
“We knew that snake was eventually going to reach the ground. So we run into the house shouting, “Mama, Snake!” Your grandma jumped up, running out the house. She got to the doorway where there was a shotgun that always hung over the door. She grabbed that shotgun and ran out in the yard and by that time, the snake had reached the ground. She cocked that shotgun and blew that snake into two or three pieces. I remember being so proud of her because she rescued us.”
“That's intense.”
“Yeah, but looking back on it as a parent, I probably would have done the same thing.”
“And Grandad?”
“Your Granddaddy taught at an all-black junior high school that was right in the middle of the hood. He noticed that the little boys in his class didn't know how to tie a tie, so he had them bring one of their Daddy’s ties to class. He took the time to teach every little boy in his class how to tie a tie, and I thought that was great.”
“Yeah. I'm sure not all the boys were able to bring their father's ties in, right?”
“Right. And those that didn't have ties to bring, got to trade with another boy once the other got the hang of it. I thought that was like the coolest thing, because he didn’t just teach them art, he taught them about life.”
At what point in your adolescence did your interest for art begin?
“Oh, God. It started kind of early, because my dad was an art teacher. He would do a lot of things for his classes that I’d get involved with. He'd be teaching his class something interesting and instead of walking home with my friends, I'd go over to the school to see what his students were learning at the time. Then I would try to emulate him. “
“Did you witness your Dad drawing at home?”
“Yes. One year, it had snowed and we were out of school. He left the house and came back with all these painting supplies. He’d already taken a picture of a golf course and blew it up on the wall and then traced it with a pencil… Now, we painted this as a mural on the wall in the family room. Do you remember that?”
“Yeah, I remember that mural.”
“That was probably my all-time favorite memory with my dad- spending them two or three days painting that mural.”
I saw Art in everything as a kid. Still do, things are just more cynical. I vividly remember Mom, the 90’s Fashionista in the choir stands at church. She would wear her hair in a wavy, sometimes curly up-doo and under the choir robe was probably a polka-dot blouse and high wasted pants to match. When I go back and listen to her choir’s album, I can still pick her voice out of the other Sopranos.
When we got home from church, we were greeted with pieces of art on the wall that Dad drew. One sketch of Marquis and I together, and two more individual portraits of us. In the bedroom that we shared, there was a banner Dad created for us that read ‘The Brothers’ Quick’ and it always reminded me of the mural at my grandparents’ house. I’d get so lost just looking at it that I’d astral project to that very golf course.
Drawing was the main thing that kept me busy during Sunday School. I didn’t care for the kids and instructors in ‘Children’s Church’ so I’d sit in the congregation with the adults. I’d usually be drawing some Ebony Princess (clothed of course) who was sketched in my mind from my Granny’s ‘Jet Magazine’. Then, my sketches looked similar to characters of ‘Daria’ and ‘The Weekenders’.
When it comes to genetics, I feel like I'm spread evenly across the gene pool. I get my musical abilities (rhythm included) from my mom. She and her three siblings can all sing, nieces, nephews and cousins included. I get my artistic abilities from my dad. The same goes for Marquis, just in a different way. His musical gift is rapping and writing and drawing and creating blue prints when the situation calls for it.
What are some similarities from your younger self that you saw in Marquis and Me?
“Wow, you guys had a different world to grow up in. Ya know, late 80’s and early 90’s...”
“Right.”
“Yeah, you guys were exposed to different things- things I hadn’t been exposed to. So the similarities were not really there. You guys grew up having things to do that were inside, although you were still outside often- Y’all had a choice. I remember buying an app to put on the computer where you could build your own city.”
“I remember that.“
“Yep, because you gravitated to that thing. You would build the most elaborate city. It had everything- from running water, cars and buses. I mean everything.”
“Maybe that's why I have a toxic relationship with the Sims, because every time I pick it up, I loose sleep. It’s problematic.”
“You remember that job I had in Charlotte? I was on that job for thirteen years.”
“World Color?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I've always remembered that name. Y'all designed emojis before emojis were popular. I specifically remember the Michael Jackson emoji, because he had the little wavy curl going down the side of his face.”
“Yes! And there were others.”
“I'm sure it was like Diana Ross or something.”
“Yeah, that was the early 90’s. They were on the cutting edge and weren’t afraid to reach out and do something that nobody was doing at the time. They took me with no experience and put me through the training. Man, they taught me everything- How to operate a software priority system that people with as much as 5 or 10 years, couldn’t operate. They asked me if I wanted to do it, and I said, “Yeah, of course.” And I had to deal with people knowing that they were more qualified than me.”
“Sounds like you were doing great...”
“It was… and what did I do? I started using.”
"IN ME, THERE'S YOU"
ASWQ PRESENTS
"IN ME, THERE'S YOU" ASWQ PRESENTS
What do you think your reason was for being involved with drugs? Like, how do you think it started?
“When I started in recovery, I was given the opportunity to have a therapist. And through therapy, I found out that I didn't grieve the losses in my life. I didn't know how to grieve. You know, back in those days, your parents used to tell you, “What goes on in this house stays in this house.”
“My brother died… and my dad died- I didn't know how to process that. I was hurting. I had people close to me who wouldn’t let me cry or grieve. They were telling me things like “Keep it to yourself” and “You'll get over it.” They’d say “Men Don’t Cry” And after all that stuffing, the only time the pain stopped was when I loaded that pipe with crack and hit it.”
“I have family that don’t believe that I’m clean after all this time. They have nicknames for me. I used to call out there to talk to my aunt and one of my cousins would answer the phone. I’d say “Hey” to him and ask if his momma was busy. She’d be in the background asking who it was, and he’d say “The Crackhead.”
“It made me put everything in my life on the back burner, so that I could do that. And there came a time when I really hated myself, because I began to realize I was hurting you. I was hurting your brother. I had already hurt your mama. That was the hardest thing to deal with. “
How many years sober are you now?
“Well, I was in active addiction for 12 years. My addiction ended in 2006, so that makes 19 years of sobriety. It’s probably one of my proudest achievements.”
“I'm proud of you for that. I share that with my friends!”
Can you explain what the road to recovery looks like?
“It’s peaceful.”
“Peaceful? I wasn’t expecting that answer.”
“Being in active addiction, one of the best descriptions I've heard is “By any means necessary”, meaning you’ll get your drug of choice by any means. And that’s like a personal Hell to me, living inside of this thing that you can’t control. And you know you shouldn't be doing it, but you can’t not do it… To not be in that…is like peace.”
Was there anyone influential to help you through the process of forgiving yourself?
“Ya know, in recovery, you're encouraged to get a sponsor and I had a sponsor who taught me so many things about life, and eventually things I learned about myself. His name was Bobby”
“Bobby… Do you remember his last name?”
”Steele. Bobby Steele… I selected him, because I listened to him tell his story one day. And his story was amazingly similar to mine. He taught me a lot of things about living in recovery. Ya know when I asked him to be my sponsor, he didn’t say ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. He said, “If you let me” which sent me off on a whirlwind of thoughts.
“Whatchu mean If you let me?”
“Why do I have to let you? I’m asking you to be my sponsor.”
“If you know how to sponsor me, then do it. If you can’t, say so!”
“But in his experience, Bobby knew that I couldn't recover if I didn’t want to do it. So it was up to me to allow that. I thought “Wow, that’s kinda deep.” I attribute every year that I have clean, to Bobby because he showed me how to live and love and… put others before myself.”
“Bobby was gay, and people used to ask “Why’d you choose him to be your sponsor?”
and I said, “Well why not?”
“But he’s gay.”
“What’s that got to do with the price of coffee in China?”
That had nothing to do with him saving my life”
“My ex-wife hated him, because I was closer to Bobby than I was to her. She always knew that every time we got in an argument, she would throw Bobby up and it would hurt me. One day she and I had a conversation where I had to tell her to stop doing that… She stopped doing it, but she changed it from Bobby…to you.“
“When she started using your choice in lifestyle, that set off more thoughts. “I gotta get out of this.”
Thirteen years ago, things changed. I’d moved to Greensboro for school, and I also came out of the closet. Friends aside, Dad was one of the few family members who really showed up. We had an opportunity to get to know one another as men. I was ready… He was always ready.
Bobby was one of the first people we had a conversation about. He showed me a picture of Bobby in his last days. He was a dark skinned man on the taller side, with long black weave (most likely a middle part buss down). When my dad was adamant about having a relationship with his sons, Bobby was the one who suggested that he didn’t rush things. He knew Dad wasn’t completely healed and since I wasn’t reaching out at the time, he would’ve 100% pushed me away. Bobby told my dad that the day would come when I would reach out- he was right. I wish I could’ve met Bobby in time to thank him.
- Rest Easy, Bobby. Things worked out just fine.
A few years before the 2020 Pandemic, Dad was able to escape his second marriage just before things could turn from bad to worse. I was then introduced to the woman who would soon become his wife and my ‘Bonus-Mom’, Cletus (also referred to as Cle). Living parallel lives, Dad and Cle found themselves serving people with disabilities and addiction problems. I sleep well at night knowing he is well taken care of and supported by his wife and extended family.
ASWQ PRESENTS
"IN YOU, THERE'S ME"
ASWQ PRESENTS "IN YOU, THERE'S ME"
You decided to change your narrative and help others overcome the same struggle. What led you to that point?
“The place I lived in my early recovery, I was offered a job. In that process of working there, it was my job to teach people how to get clean. So that’s really where I learned to do it because I had to teach them how to. I had to live it instead of just talking about it.”
“Then I went to school and I studied Psychology and found out the scientific and physical demands on the body when you use and when you don’t use. I started learning about mental health and the signs of certain disorders; that rolled over into learning about Autism. A lot of times the behavior of an Autistic person is based on getting attention. You have to learn when to give it attention and when not to.”
Can you talk about how you met Cle?
“In high school, 1976... I was walking down the hallway. This girl that I knew from classes, Cindy, came up to me and said “I know somebody who likes you.” And I said “Oh really? Who is that?” She turned around and pointed to Cle. I chose to talk to her and it kind of snowballed from there. We went from knowing who each other were to having a conversation, and I found myself enjoying her company.”
“We dated for a couple of years. We never really had arguments. We allowed one another to be themselves. It helped us in a lot of ways, and then it grew to a place where we grew apart. We didn’t have a big argument or anything. I allowed her life to be her life and she allowed my life to be my life… and we grew apart.”
With context clues, I can draw in what happened in the years to come, but what year did y'all reconnect?
“2020. I was going through a separation and Divorce. I’m messing around on Facebook one day, and I was kind of looking for Cle up there because I knew it was her birthday. And I found her. “
“I said Happy Birthday and she replied “Would you have said that if I didn’t post that it was my birthday?” I said, “Yeah I was looking for you to tell you that”. So it took a little while but one day flowed into the next, one month flowed into the next. We kept talking and asked her where she lived and she didn’t wanna tell me.
I said “Okay! Don't want me to know? Fine.”
“Haha…She was playing hard to get?”
“Yea, but she finally told me where she lived and I popped up over here in a matter of days. And it was almost like we picked up from where we left off years ago…“
“One of the best things about our relationship is communication. We can talk about anything. I have brought up some stuff that she didn’t know but I trusted that she would take it and process it right. And she did. It’s not about going on trips and doing things that I have never done before- those are just the byproducts of it. Because if we don’t ever go on another trip together, I’m okay with us.”
“Let’s talk about Alex. I actually got chills when you mentioned your childhood friend’s name was Alex also…But Alex’s birthday is January 9th.”
“Yup.”
“Your birthday is January 9th.”
Can you tell us about Alex?
“Alex was a client at the facility where Cle and I were both on a payroll at. I worked with Respit, where together, Cle and I would take care of clients when their caregivers needed a break. Two of our clients were 2 brothers that we worked with on the weekends. We did things with them they’d never done before- we took them to Homecoming and Aggie Fest.”
“Wait, sidebar! Was one of those brothers William?”
“Yeah, William and Darnell… One thing led to another and we stopped taking care of them, but in the meantime, we were given the opportunity to do Respit for Alex. We liked Alex, he warmed up to us really quick. We had a conversation with his mother and our boss at the facility and told them that we were interested in AFL, Alternate Family Living. Cle was awarded that position to be his AFL; that means that Alex could now move into the house with us. I was in charge of his care during the day and Cle was in charge all the other times. And really, taking care of Alex is easy.”
“Alex has an eating disorder and we have him on some medication for that, but his disorder is powerful. You can give him all the medication in the world, but it will not change the fact that Alex likes food. He likes doing things that I like doing and I like doing things that he likes doing. We started going to the YMCA to work out, we’ve gone fishing, bowling.”
What are some of your greatest accomplishments?
“I am extremely proud of myself because I got my degree in Psychology. I am very happy about that. Both of my parents were college graduates and I know that they wanted me to earn my degree. If they were here to witness me get my degree, they would be pleased. But from a spiritual standpoint, I know that they know.”
Do you have any words of encouragement for those who may be struggling with addiction and want to change?
“One powerful tool that I learned in recovery, is to take it one day at a time. And if you have to… take it one hour at a time, or five minutes at a time. You just have to get through that time period. After that you’ll find that your desires will ease off… And if you gotta do it every 5 minutes, then it is what it is.”
“If you’re taking that step to make it through that hour, God will distract you with something else and before you know it, that hour is over. Then you get through the next one. You’ll find yourself getting through days and weeks. Then you’ll be proud of yourself because you’re not even thinking about getting high anymore.”
“I’ll always remember how to get high. I know how to roll a joint and I know how to pack a pipe. I just choose not to.”
“This has been a cleansing conversation.”
“Yeah, thank you again for doing this.“
“Sure! I'm glad you gave me the opportunity to talk about some things that I normally don’t get around to. I hope you take some things that I've gone through and apply it.
You know... There's a lot of me in you.“
“I know.”
